Unspoken Words
by Flinchy
Summary: We've all read those stories where someone gets transported to Middle Earth,and they are all happy and like it.Well,this is just the opposite,a girl gets transported to Middle Earth and doesn't like it.
1. Prologue

Woah, this whole story thing just hit me like a train, I have no clue where this is going. This is so weird. . .  
  
" God Dammit! Just leave me alone!" The blood in my body boiled. I could feel my ears ringing. My hatred surged through my veins, poisoning my every thought. I ran through the door, barely managing to get a pair of sandals on my feet. I ran quickly, I just wanted to get as far away from this place as I could. I stared off into space recalling events of the past, my past. The past I hated.  
  
"Yeah, well you know what? Your father just lost his job!" Those horrible words rang in my ears as if they'd just been said. Yet that was a while back. Two years to be exact. I shuddered as I recalled a fight I'd had with my mom, two years ago, in August. I couldn't even remember what it was about, but it was the beginning.  
  
After that, everything in my life started to decline. My family came first. My dad started hating us more and more. But me being the person I am, would never back down from a fight. I'd gotten hit many times before because of that. One time stuck out in my mind, the September after my dad lost his job. I can't remember what exactly happened, but my dad came rampaging into my room with a huge pair of pliers and screamed at me that he was going to yank every single tooth out of my head. Needless to say, I ran. I ran pretty far away, encouraged by the pure adrenaline pulsing through my veins.  
  
I'd run away many times, but I'd always come back. I'd always run to different places, farther and farther each time. That is, until he started drinking. I'd never known my dad to drink, even on holidays. But one day, I found him drinking. That scared me pretty badly, so even though it was the middle of a very bitter winter, I ran yet again. I got frostbite that day, but I didn't care the least bit. When darkness sent in, and I was forced to go home, I was welcomed with another beating. I wouldn't back down.  
  
The soft, warm wind brought me back to reality. I felt tears bubbling up beneath my eyes, but I fought them down. I forced myself to think of my friends, what friends I had left.  
  
My friendship with many people had started to decline at the beginning of school after my dad lost his job, and a year later, I found that my last friendship was declining rapidly. I never had a really good time with my friends, some backed away because I was starting to turn on the world, and I was no longer the happy, funny, hyper kid they used to know. Others I had to leave, my patience wearing thinner and thinner every day, until the point I could put up with them no longer. I felt alone in the world, but I still fought on.  
  
My grades along with everything else, were sucked into my downfall. It was like a wall was slowly being built between me and my teachers. I had a harder and harder time understanding and comprehending what they were trying to tell me. So eventually my hope started to also slip into oblivion.  
  
I found myself lost, confused, and angry at the world. I had no one to console me. No where I belonged. Every day was a fight on the inside, just to keep living. Living for an unknown cause. I suppose if nothing else, I lived to never back down, thus sending me spiraling down farther and farther with every beating, every insult. And I had nothing I could hold onto.  
  
An angry breath escaped my lips. I looked up to find myself deep in the woods, my feet unconsciously carrying me. I knew where I was going, it was a place I'd been before. Many times before, it was my hiding place. I slowed down and tried to control my thoughts, the sound of trickling water reaching my ears. I sighed and ducked under a branch, eager to get to my destination. I fought my way through an almost solid wall of brush, and emerged in my hiding place. My breath slowed to nearly nothing and I silently walked to a rock, sitting on the edge of a crystalline stream. I looked around me, the rock was sheltered by a willow, its branches guarding and protecting. The ends of the willow branches dipped into the stream and floated along limply, tethered to the trunk of the tree. I sat down and peered into the stream. I knew this stream well, it held many a tear of mine. I sighed and leaned against the trunk of the willow, the sounds of the water captivating me and swirling in my mind, as if it could wash out all my thoughts so I could start to think anew. The trees whispered in the warm breeze, and the stream answered back. I sat in the middle of this, forgotten for the moment. And I lost all account of the world around me, slipping into a void between consciousness and sleep.  
  
I saw the most horrible things to ever happen in my life. In that void, I relived every fight, every horrifying image, everything that went wrong. I felt every beating, the pain coming back. I felt every time my cheeks burned from an insult. I felt every friend I'd ever had slipping away.  
  
I came back to consciousness, my breath coming in short, painful gasps. I slowly became aware of searing hot tears tracing burning paths down my cheeks. I felt my last shard of hope slip away.  
  
I eyed the creek quickly, knowing what I was about to do. I slipped into the creek and submerged my face in the clear, cool water. Somewhere deep inside me, an innocent girl, the face of my past, screamed. As I took a breath of the water.  
  
Ok, I decided slightly what I'm going to do with this. Yes, I know this makes no sense, but keep in mind that it's a prologue, and the rest of the story wouldn't make sense without it, so kindly don't review asking what the heck this has to do with LotR, seeing as I just told you. So I'll try and get the next chapter up soon so this will begin to make sense. 


	2. Awake

Hmm, my first attempt at writing a serious story that makes half an ounce of sense. Well, so it begins, let's see how far I can get with this. Oh yea, before I forget, I just wanted to tell you that long chapters are definitely not my specialty. I'll be lucky if I can make a 1000 word chapter. On with the story. . .  
  
My head swam. What had happened? I tried to draw a breath, but ended up choking violently causing a horrible pain in my chest. Then, I remembered.  
  
The night. . . the night I ran out into the winter cold. The cold had filled my lungs and battered at them like a hammer striking my lungs. I coughed violently and the pain. . . The pain was the same as that I felt now.  
  
One by one my senses came back to me. First, my feeling. I dimly realized that I was lying in shallow water, soaked to the bone. I laid there, to tired to move except to weakly shiver in the cool water. I gradually began to appreciate the water, it swirled around me, an easy distraction to keep my mind occupied.  
  
When some water had drained from my nose and throat, I deeply regretted it. My throat and nose were raw and felt like they were on fire. The water had weakened my throat to the point where simply breathing took great care and precision to keep from choking and injuring my throat even more. Yet with this unfortunate event, my sense of smell returned. I found peace in the fact that it was calm here, and that it smelled like a forest. The warm summer breeze drifted around me, persuading me to open my eyes.  
  
Slowly, I inched my eyes open, but the first thing I saw was a watery splash or random colors. I quickly shut my eyes and tried to squeeze some water out of them. I gradually began to open my eyes again, and I began to make out shapes, the trees above me, the deep orange color of the sky. It must've been morning or evening, I was not sure which.  
  
I laid there for a while, slowly looking back and forth until I decided that I needed to try and move out of the water before I got hypothermia. I slowly lifted my head, a huge effort because every tiny bit I lifted my head a little water trickled down my throat, setting it on fire. It took every bit of my concentration to keep from choking. Eventually, I lifted my head enough to get it completely out of the water. My ears were drained of the water that sat in them, and I could once again hear. My head was filled with the sounds of a typical forest, the soft wind, birds chirping, the water of the stream running along.  
  
I slowly began to lift myself out of the water, and I began to think. What was I doing here? Where was here? I finally was sitting up and beginning to crawl out of the stream before I began to remember. I recalled the fight I'd had with my dad, running away.  
  
My whole body was out of the stream now, and I sat leaning against a rock.  
  
I remembered coming to my hiding place, falling into a void between consciousness and sleep, then I remembered. I had killed myself. At least, I thought I had. For sure this was not heaven, nor was it hell. What was this then? Some cruel twist on the afterlife?  
  
My head fell limply, my chin resting on my neck. My shoulders slumped as I tried to forget all that had happened. I'd tried to erase my past, yet here I was. Then I realized, I didn't know where "here" was.  
  
I glanced around, and this place surely wasn't my hiding place. But then I remembered something I'd once heard. Sometimes when someone was under the spell of shock, such as from an injury or something stressful, sometimes they could forget things. Maybe. . .maybe that was what was happening to me.  
  
I tried to get up, but my limbs felt weak and I couldn't stand. I collapsed into a heap, not having moved an inch from the spot I sat. Then, I heard the quiet hoof steps of a horse. I looked up to see someone, he was on a horse looking down at me, then he spoke.  
  
"What are you doing down there, are you alright?" I tried to answer, but I found that I couldn't make any noise. No matter how hard I tried, not a sound would came from my waterlogged throat. I simply hung my head, knowing that the stranger wouldn't understand.  
  
"Why don't you speak?" He asked, looking at me curiously. I once again opened my mouth to speak, but I closed it and shook my head. He spoke again, but this time it was in some language I couldn't understand. I quickly looked at him with questioning eyes, not having the faintest clue what he was saying. He sighed and said quietly to himself,  
  
"This is very odd, I'd best let Elrond see what is wrong with her. . ." I wondered who he meant by "Elrond". Was Elrond his father maybe? Or was Elrond a doctor of some sort? While I was wondering he started to say something.  
  
"Can you get up? We aren't far from Rivendell, but it's best if we rode." I shook my head, obviously answering that I couldn't get up. He got off his horse and walked towards me. I realized that he was going to take me to someplace I didn't know. At first I shrunk back, remembering to not go anywhere with strangers, but then I realized that if I didn't go with this stranger, I wouldn't be able to find my way home, since I had forgotten where I was, and how to get home.  
  
He crouched down next to me, offering his arm. I held onto it and both of us managed to pull me up. My legs felt wobbly and I clutched his arm even harder, so he put his arm around my shoulders to support me. Slowly, we began to walk towards his horse. I noticed that the horse had no saddle, and I had no clue how I was going to get on.  
  
Then as if reading my mind, the stranger lifted me up onto the horse's back, then jumped on behind me. I sat in front, clutching the horse's mane and he sat behind me, easing the horse into a walk.  
  
" We aren't far from Rivendell, maybe a half hour walk from here." He said behind me. I gasped when I realized where we were going. I knew of no place named Rivendell anywhere around where I had been. 'Maybe it's my memory again. . .' I thought.  
  
We sat in silence for a few minutes before my mind began to wander. I thought of all the hatred I'd had in my life. I thought of how I'd tried to leave my sorrows behind me, yet I ended up here. I closed my eyes tight, as if I could block out the world. I felt my muscles tense up, but I jumped slightly as the stranger spoke.  
  
"We are nearing Rivendell." He said. I didn't even make an attempt to answer him. It may have appeared that I wasn't answering because I hated him, but that was far from the reason. It was more because I knew my voice would not come no matter how hard I tried to summon it.  
  
"In case you were wondering, my name is Elladan" The stranger, no, Elladan said, once more breaking the silence. "When we get to Rivendell I'll take you to see Lord Elrond, my father. He is very wise, he'll know what to do."  
  
So I had been right, Elrond was Elladan's father, and perhaps he was a doctor. I sat wondering as we came around a bend and stepped out of the trees, the sight in front of me was amazing.  
  
I gasped as I saw Rivendell, and then I suddenly knew. I wasn't anywhere I knew, nor was I going to be going back.  
  
Ok, so the story begins to form a slight bit of direction. I thought very hard about this during study hall today, except I kept loosing my train of thought, which was when I invented the quote, "He made me eavesdrop!!!" I'm such a genius. . . 


	3. Alone

I finally got a review! Thanks a lot, I was starting to wonder if anyone at all was reading this. By the way, I'm not sure exactly when this is set, I'm not sure it matters. . .yet. So for now, it can be whenever. Anyhoo, on with the story.  
  
Elladan led me through many long halls, to where, I had no idea. I no longer needed to hold onto Elladan's arm, but I walked slowly, the feeling still returning to my weak legs. I knew I must've looked weird, I was wearing still wet clothes, simply a black tank top and loose dark green pants. My wet hair was down, but I had a green bandanna holding it back, and my sandals were making squishing sounds, because they were still quite wet.  
  
Suddenly Elladan halted in front of a half closed door. He knocked and opened it fully. I glanced around as I followed Elladan in. It appeared to be a study, although I'd never actually seen one. In a large beautiful chair sat a man. He looked slightly elderly, but something about him said that he was much older than he looked. His eyes looked full of wisdom and knowledge.  
  
I noticed him looking at me and Elladan began to speak, "Father, I found this girl in the woods not far from here. It appears that she can not, or will not speak. She was very weak when I found her and couldn't stand on her own."  
  
"Hmm." The man said, looking at me curiously. "Welcome then, I am Elrond, lord of Rivendell." His voice sounded ageless, not old, not young, and full of knowledge. I nodded and bowed. I don't know why, but something told me that I should. When I straightened up again, Elrond wasn't looking at me like I was insane, so I assumed I'd done correctly.  
  
"You can't speak, correct?" Elrond asked me. I nodded, answering yes. "Have you been not able to speak for only a little while?" He questioned further. I nodded once again. "Hmm, it sounds like a simple loss of voice, it isn't really serious, and will get well soon, but some tea will make it well sooner." I sighed, I didn't like tea, but then again I liked sore throats even less. I nodded, trying to look as though I was thanking him. "However, it is getting late, so you should get rest, if you are weak. I'll bring the tea up to your room later." I had to agree I was pretty tired, not necessarily sleepy, but my body had taken about as much abuse as it could take for one day.  
  
Elrond then called for a maid to bring me to a room. I was led through more hallways, and I knew I'd get lost here more than once. As the maid led me through a door into a room, I nearly gasped. The room was beautiful, not really big, but it was very nice. The maid sat me down on the bad and took a nightgown and began to dress me in it. At first I drew back, no one ever dressed me before, save when I was a baby, but I found that I was too tired and sore to protest.  
  
When the maid was done, she left and closed the door. I laid down on the bed, it was soft and very comfortable. I glanced around my room and noticed a bunch of candles lighting it. I was wondering if any were scented when I heard a knock on my door. The person outside my door opened it a crack, and seeing that I was just sitting on my bed, the door swung open to reveal Elladan holding a cup of what I assumed was tea.  
  
"I was sent to deliver this tea to you, but I was told I need to make you drink all of it." He said, handing the cup to me. I wondered why he had to "make me" drink all of it until I took my first sip. That was a pretty nasty tea, and I couldn't help but grimace as I swallowed.  
  
"Yes, it is bad, but it will help." Elladan chuckled. "Father has made me drink his concoctions more than a few times." I shuddered as I downed the last of the tea, and hoped I wouldn't have to drink any more of that any time soon.  
  
"So," Elladan said, sitting in a chair near my bed, "Have you ever been to Rivendell before?" I shook my head. "You do know about Rivendell, don't you?" I shook my head again. A touch of surprise was noticeable in Elladan's eyes as I shook my head. "Well," he began, "Rivendell is a city of Elves, sort of a safe haven" It was my turn to look surprised. Elves!?!? As in the little guys that help Santa? But. . .Surely Elladan wasn't an Elf, he was well, tall. Elladan must've noticed my surprise and said, "What?! You don't know about Elves either?! I'm beginning to think you aren't even from Middle Earth."  
  
This was all way too much for me to think about, but Elladan continued. "Elves are fair, tall, quiet beings." He lifted his long hair back to reveal an ear, but his ear, it was pointed. "We have exceptional hearing and very soft, quiet footfall. We are immortal, although we can be slain in battle or sometimes die of grief, we can't die of old age or disease." He continued to talk about Elves, Rivendell, and Middle Earth. I tried to listen, but it was becoming increasingly difficult.  
  
Finally he said, "Well, it is getting late, I think that's all for tonight, sleep well." Then he left shutting the door behind him.  
  
I put out all of the candles in my room except one, which burned dimly in a corner. I walked over to my open window and let the breeze wash over my face. While Elladan had talked, I came to realize something, I wasn't anywhere I knew, I wasn't even in my own world. I didn't know how I got here, I didn't know anything about here, I didn't know anyone here. I was alone in a world I knew nothing of.  
  
And I wasn't going back home.  
  
  
  
Ooooooh, now this is getting going. I wanted to continue, but I thought this would be a good place to stop. I'm starting to really get into this story, and I'm going to try and have regular updates. Actually, for my first serious fic that makes some sense, I don't think I'm doing that bad of a job. 


	4. Beginnings

Man my arm hurts. I don't know why, it just does. Oh well, I'll just sleep it off. That's my cure for everything, just sleep it off. Hey, it works. . .well, most of the time it does. Now, where did I stop? Oooooooh, yea, now I remember.  
  
I let out an angry breath. I shut my eyes against the moonlight streaming through the window and silently walked back to my bed. I laid down and leaned back into the pillows. I was restless, I couldn't sleep. I had felt like this many times before. All the years I'd gone to summer camp I'd been like this, I couldn't go to sleep, I was somewhere that wasn't my own. I couldn't lie on my sides or stomach like I always did at home, so I slept on my back. I remember my last thoughts before I fell into an uneasy sleep were that it was like I was at camp again, but there wasn't any comfort in the fact that at the end of the week I'd be home again. Now, there was no home.  
  
I woke up after only a few hours of restless sleep. The sun had yet to rise. I looked through the window to see that all of Rivendell was still, bathed in the blue green glow of the time before the sun cast its rays into the sky.  
  
I shuddered. I hated dawn. I never knew why, but it always made me shudder. I curled up tighter in my blankets and shut my eyes tight. I sat there, curled up and well, kind of scared. I started to reflect on my thoughts from the night before, I'd decided that I'd never be able to go back home again, and that even though my voice would come back, I would stay silent. I didn't know what told me to do that, but I felt so strongly that it was what I should do.  
  
I looked up from my blankets to see that the sun had begun to peek out through the trees. I sighed and relaxed, and untangled myself from my blankets. I got up as quietly as I could and walked into the bathroom. I found the tub full of warm water, how it was there and warm I did not know, but I didn't really care. I slipped into the water and washed myself while still pondering my thoughts of the night. I got up and wrapped a towel around myself and walked into my room.  
  
The sun was still barely up, so I assumed that it was still early. I found a closet and opened the wooden doors. All I could find were dresses. I hated dresses, and would never wear them. A skirt, I could be ok with, but never a dress. I searched through the many dresses until I found something. I was a brown skirt that went down to my ankles, maybe made of something like deerskin. It was actually very pretty and had a vine of flowers embroidered down the left side. I put it down on the bed and began to search for a shirt. Soon I found what I was looking for, a simple white shirt with sleeves that went to my elbows. Right next to it there was a brown vest with ties that went down the front. Satisfied, I put on the skirt, shirt, and vest. I tied up the front of the vest, and began to towel dry my hair. Soon it was almost dry, so I searched for a brush. When I found one, I brushed out the tangles and let my dark brown hair simply sit on my shoulders. I cautiously stepped in front of the mirror and looked at my reflection. I actually looked not half bad, and my eyes were even slightly brighter because the pain from my throat had lifted and I could breathe normally again.  
  
I saw that it was still early, and I had nothing to do. I walked out onto the balcony connected to my room and watched the scene in front of me. The balcony overlooked a good part of Rivendell, and I was thankful that I had a good view from my room. I stared out, unblinking, unmoving. I stood there, barely breathing. It was one of my talents, but also a small part of my demise. As I stood there, my mind wandered to places I kept far away from conscious thought. I began to unwillingly think of my past, of some of the worse things that had happened to me. I felt a heavy weight on my chest, preventing me from moving. I couldn't breathe and I could barely control my muscles from doing something of their own will. I felt the deep, smothering anger cover me, I couldn't breathe. I felt hot, angry tears slipping into my eyes, blurring my vision.  
  
'Don't cry, don't you dare cry. If you do, things will get screwed up really bad. You can't do it, just will yourself not to.' I thought. I finally blinked and fought back my tears. I could breathe again, and I could move. My muscles listened to me again, and I curled my fingers a few times, just to make sure I was back to myself again. I let out a sigh and began to wonder how long I'd been staring out at Rivendell. I jumped slightly when I heard my door open. There was the maid that had brought me to my room last night.  
  
"Breakfast is ready, I can show you where the dining room is." She said. I let out another sigh and figured that I didn't have anything to lose, so I followed her. I tried to remember how to get to the dining room, just so I'd know where something was. Finally, we came through a set of doors and entered a huge room. There weren't many people in the dining room, well at least for it being so big. The maid led me to a table where Elrond, Elladan, and a few other people, no, Elves sat. I took a seat and looked around.  
  
"How is your voice this morning?" Elladan asked. I looked up, but said nothing.  
  
"That's odd, the tea I gave you was strong enough to cure any loss of voice." Elrond said, looking at me questioningly. I simply blinked and shrugged. Then Elrond introduced me to everyone at the table, and I simply waved and smiled at everyone. I discovered that two of the Elves I didn't know were Elrond's other children, well not exactly "children", but you get my point. One was Arwen, and the other was Elrohir. Elrohir must've been Elladan's twin because I couldn't tell them apart whatsoever. Arwen was very pretty, and smiled back at me when I waved. Breakfast went on normally after that, I didn't eat much, I never could when I wasn't home. Every time someone asked me something I'd nod or shake my head or do whatever else I had to do to show how I felt. I realized that this was going to be like a giant game of charades.  
  
After breakfast I slipped out of sight and invented the fun game of Let's- Get-Lost-In-Rivendell-And-Try-To-Find-The-Right-Way-Back-Before-The-Sun- Goes-Down. I wandered pointlessly around until about noon, and decided that I was lost enough, and I should try to find my way back. I finally found my way back at around 6:00, just in time for dinner. I didn't eat lunch, but I wasn't hungry. Dinner was pretty much the same as breakfast, I picked at my food and ate very little.  
  
After dinner though, I walked around in the gardens. I was alone, and thankful for it. It reminded me of all the years I'd visit my grandparents during the summer, and after dinner we'd walk down their street to a house that had huge beautiful gardens. The man that lived there always welcomed me and would let me throw a pebble into the wishing well he had. . .But that was a long time ago. Before things went wrong. I shook my head violently to try and forget about my past.  
  
"Is there a reason why you're shaking your head so hard?" I jumped and turned around. "I apologize, I didn't mean to surprise you. I believe we met at breakfast, right?" At first glance I thought it was Elladan, but then I realized he said we'd met at breakfast, so I figured it was Elrohir. I nodded, remembering our meeting at breakfast. I started looking for some way to tell Elrohir and Elladan apart, but Elrohir must've read my mind, because he said, "Yes, my brother and I look very much alike, we're twins you know." I nodded, still trying to figure out some difference between him and Elladan. They looked so much alike, same color hair which was the same length, same height, same gray eyes. . .After a few minutes of silence, I figured it out. I looked up quickly and smiled.  
  
"Did you find out how to tell us apart?" he said smiling. I nodded and grinned. I pointed to my eyes. It was actually pretty simple, it was in the eyes, I could always tell people apart by their eyes. Elrohir's eyes had a more serious look in them, whereas Elladan's had a more mischievous look.  
  
Elrohir laughed and looked slightly surprised. "That is true, it's all in the eyes, and I find it surprising that you have figured out our secret, whereas there are Elves we've known for centuries who still can't tell us apart."  
  
I simply smiled, happy that at least I wouldn't be calling Elladan Elrohir or vice versa. I looked up at the sky then and realized that it was pretty dark out and if I stayed out much longer, I wouldn't be able to find my way back to my room. Elrohir must've had the same thought, because he also looked at the sky.  
  
"Well, it is getting late and I could escort you to your room if you wish." He said, offering his arm. I took it and we walked back to my room, and when we got there I let go of his arm and opened my door.  
  
"Goodnight, sleep well." He said and smiled. I almost said 'Goodnight, don't let the bedbugs bite.' But I caught myself and just smiled back.  
  
Ok, my Internet has been down for four days. It's driving me insane. I'll bet all of my friends on the internet think I'm dead or something. . .Oh well, I guess I'll just start writing the next chapter then. . . 


	5. A shred of hope

Ok, before I forget, I'm going to do something I meant to a while ago. I want to thank Taproot, because the song Poem (by Taproot) is what inspired this fic and what keeps it going. So if you want to, download it, and you won't be disappointed because it's a really great song. Now, back to the story, if I can remember where I stopped.  
  
I spent days void of all feelings except anger. A dull, constant anger ebbed through my veins, always there.  
  
Every day was the same. I "told" the maid that I didn't like dresses, but I'd wear skirts, and the next day my closet was full of skirts, shirts, and a few vests. Every morning I'd wake up, bathe, get dressed, then go down to breakfast. I'd sit in a table in the corner, and some elf would usually join me, most of the time Elladan or Elrohir. They'd ask me a few questions and I'd answer back the bast I could, seeing as how I could mostly just nod or shake my head. But then I noticed a few things about the Elves. See, when you don't talk, you tend to pay more attention to everyone else, and for me, I looked at everyone's eyes. It's weird how you can tell so much about a person just from their eyes. And that lead me to the second thing I discovered. Somehow, the Elves could always figure out what I was trying to tell them, it was like they could read my mind.  
  
After breakfast I'd slip away and get lost in Rivendell and try to find my way back before dinner. I'd almost always be able to make it back, well, except for the time I got so lost Elladan had to come and find me. But when I got to dinner, it was no different than breakfast. I'd pick at my food, in my corner, but after dinner I'd sneak away into the gardens.  
  
On my sixth night in Rivendell I flopped into bed and sighed. I was afraid that I'd go insane soon, doing the same thing every day, surrounded by my anger. With nothing to help me escape from it, I'd surely go insane soon. But there wasn't anything I could do about it, I'd just have to hope something would happen.  
  
The next day I woke up, feeling worse than any day I'd spent in Rivendell so far. I didn't feel anything as I bathed and got dressed. It was like I was completely void of feeling. I wandered slowly down to breakfast, and found Elladan already sitting at the table in the corner.  
  
"Good morning Melina." He said smiling as I slid into my seat. It took me a moment to register his words, but then my head snapped up and my feeling came back. I looked at him with a look somewhere between incredible surprise and confusion. How did he know my name?!?! I'd never spoken it in Rivendell, so there was no way he could've heard.  
  
He chuckled. "So you want to know how I figured out?" I nodded, the same surprised look still on my face. "Well, it was the maid really. When she washed the shirt you came here in, on a tag in its neck she found the word MELINA written, and told me about it." I mouthed 'oh', I realized it must've been a shirt I'd brought to camp once, and my mom had written my name in it so it wouldn't get lost.  
  
"But if you were wondering why she told me, it is because, I admit, I've become rather curious about your coming here. I mean, it's not everyday that someone who doesn't talk, and knows nothing about Middle Earth just appears, you know?" he said. I understood, and just nodded, smiling for the first time this morning. I started to eat breakfast, which wasn't very much, and Elladan kept speaking.  
  
"So, why do you just wander around all day, getting yourself lost?" he asked. I shrugged, meaning that I had nothing else to do, so I just wandered around.  
  
"Hmm. . ." he said leaning back. There was just the sound of other Elves eating and talking for a few minutes, but then Elladan spoke again. "Have you ever used a bow and arrows before?" he asked looking me in the eyes. His question surprised me a little, but eventually I nodded. I had a little experience when it came to archery. I'd actually been pretty good at it because of the strength I had in my shoulders and forearms.  
  
"So then, would you like to come to the archery range tomorrow? It would be a good alternative to just wandering around all day, and I could help you out with your shooting." He said. I thought about it for a little while, and then nodded. It would be better than just wandering around, and it would be somewhat of a distraction from my anger.  
  
"Great, we could start right after breakfast tomorrow!" Elladan said smiling.  
  
'No, not early in the morning, no.' I thought, my face starting to burn. Mornings to me were a living hell. For some reason, in the mornings my body hurt like hell, and I could not be around people then. I'd always suspected it was from the beatings, during the mornings after my dad beat me I'd always hurt, and I guess it happened so frequently that my body just hurt unconsciously every morning.  
  
I shook my head hard, I couldn't do it right after breakfast. Elladan raised an eyebrow and looked questioningly at me. "No? Well, how about late morning then?" I nodded. Usually by 10:30 or 11:00 I would be back to normal, so I could handle going later in the morning.  
  
"Ok then," Elladan said smiling "Late tomorrow morning it is, you can meet me here and I'll show you where the archery range is." I smiled back and nodded. We both got up then and I walked off towards the gardens.  
  
And just then, my last shred of hope peeked out over the edge of the void inside me.  
  
Yes, I know it's a short and not a very good chapter, but next chapter will be a long one. So until next time, keep watching the pies. Wait, did I say that last chapter? Woah, I don't think I can hear very well anymore, I've been blasting The Sickness at full volume for this whole chapter and my ears are ringing. . . 


	6. I hate you

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but a good part of this fic feeds on anger, so I have to wait for anger until I can update. But anyway, in response to a review, I can't assure anything about the ending, and since it's pretty far off, I don't think we're going to have to worry about that just yet. Onto the story now.  
  
The rest of the day I just wandered around the gardens, wondering. I thought about many things, rolling the thoughts around my mind over and over again. Some thoughts made me angry beyond belief, like something I'd wondered about time and time again. Why did my dad never even try to get a job after he was fired? I'd constantly wondered about it, but every time it would burn me alive inside.  
  
That night I went to bed the same way I'd woken up, void of feeling. Thinking about things all day does that to you. If you think about emotional things, it drains you of emotion. So I just plopped into bed and laid there.  
  
I just laid there not thinking, when a thought accidentally crossed my mind. That tiny little shred of hope. . . I tried to convince myself that there was no hope anymore. And that's how I fell asleep, my mind waging a war that couldn't be won either way. I couldn't convince myself the hope wasn't there, but I also couldn't agree that it was there either.  
  
In the morning I awoke after the sun had risen and rolled into a crouching position. I was wearing the same clothes as I'd been wearing all yesterday, and I felt lie I'd been hit by a truck.  
  
'There aren't any trucks in Middle Earth you idiot, but you might've ran into a tree.' I thought to myself. When I was done bathing I went to my closet. I suddenly remembered how I'd agreed to go with Elladan and practice archery. I figured I'd need a different shirt than the ones I'd been wearing, but I could still wear a skirt. So I looked in my closet until I found what I wanted, the shirt I'd been wearing when I ran away and ended up here. It was a simple black tank top, but I loved it to death. I clutched it and pressed it to my face. There was a weird thing about that shirt, it always carried the same smell no matter how many times you washed it. I'd come to realize that it was my personal scent, something I couldn't quite put into words, but it comforted me and calmed my nerves.  
  
I sighed and slipped it on, as well as an ankle length black skirt and my sandals. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and wore my green bandanna. I looked outside and realized that it was already late in the morning. I quickly made my way to the dining room wondering why no one had woken me for breakfast. When I made it into the dining room it was empty, save Elladan sitting in a chair waiting for me. He looked up at me as I walked up to him.  
  
"Ready to go?" he asked. I held up one finger and walked over to a bowl on one of the tables, which was full of fruit. I grabbed a handful of strawberries and nodded, following Elladan to the archery range. I ate the strawberries while walking to the archery range.  
  
Suddenly, Elladan broke the silence "I'm sorry that you missed breakfast, but when I couldn't find you I asked a maid to go and see if you were awake, but when she returned, she told me that she couldn't wake you no matter how hard she tried." I grinned as I popped the last strawberry into my mouth, savoring the sweet taste.  
  
We came out into a clearing where a small shed was set up. Elladan led me inside, and I discovered that it was a weapon shed, full of bows, arrows, swords, sheaths, and quivers. Elladan looked around for a while until he produced a bow and quiver. He tested the bow to my height and strength level, and nodded, satisfied. He showed me how to strap the quiver to my back, and proceeded to lead me to the archery range where many targets were set up in all places. He took his own bow off his back, knocked an arrow, took aim, and shot the arrow straight into the center of a target.  
  
'Great.' I thought. 'Here I am with next to no experience, and Elladan can shoot better than I've ever seen.' I rolled my eyes, drew an arrow and took aim, looking down the shaft. I let the arrow fly, and it hit about halfway between the side and center of the target.  
  
"That's pretty good, someone taught you before, correct?" I nodded, releasing another arrow, this time it hit closer to the center. "Who taught you, your father maybe?" For about an hour there was silence except for the singing of the arrows and the dull thud they made upon contact with the targets.  
  
In the silence, my mind began to wander. And as it always managed to do, it avoided my mental blocks and I once again began to think about my dad. I felt the intense flame of anger burning inside me, and I pictured my dad's face on the target. I could hear my heartbeat and felt the anger inside me burning harder than ever. I drew the arrow in my hand so far back that the point hit the wood of my bow. I felt my muscles turn to rock beneath my skin. I heard my dad yelling at me for some unknown reason, and let the shaft fly, hitting the target dead on.  
  
" I hate you." I hissed.  
  
Elladan nearly dropped his bow. "What did you jut say!?" He asked, a look of pure astonishment on his face. The astonishment on my face was just the same, mixed in with a little fear.  
  
'Oh shit. I didn't just do that. No, I couldn't have. No!' I thought angrily.  
  
  
  
  
  
Ah yes, not the best place to stop, but what the heck. The Stupify Fish thread got answered!!! Sorry, random thought, just ignore it. 


	7. The Void

'Great job stupid.' I thought to myself. 'You really screwed up this time.' Oddly though, somewhere through the embarrassment and fear, I heard myself thinking 'Screwed what up?' The voice was distant and tiny and easy to simply ignore, as if I had barely even acknowledged its presence. So ignored it is what I did, which was by no means a difficult task. After all, that one miniscule thought was only one in a sea of churning fear and confusion.  
  
My eyes met Elladan's for a brief second before I looked away. Why I did, I wasn't sure. It could've been out of embarrassment or shame, but from what I had no clue, nor did I have to time to stop and contemplate it.  
  
Elladan still stop in the same spot, however the shock in his eyes was slowly fading to confusion and of course, curiosity. When I noticed this, a fresh wave of frustration with myself welled up in my chest like a fire just waiting to get out or unleash its fury upon my insides. Curiosity was definitely what I didn't need right now. I really didn't feel like telling anyone, let alone Elladan who I barely knew and who knew me even less, who I was talking about, or more rather, why I said what I did. Of all the things I would've chosen as my first uttering into this world, what I had said was definitely low on the list.  
  
My head felt like exploding from thinking too fast and too hard, but a death I would've gladly welcomed to escape the staring of Elladan and his curiosity. Sadly, my head didn't explode and Elladan's staring did not relent, so I went for the next best thing. . .running.  
  
I took a testing step back as if to see if the earth still stood beneath me as it had moments before, and without so much as a second thought, I ran like a frightened rabbit. My legs didn't know where they were supposed to be taking me, but neither did my mind. I simply ran with all I had in me, narrowly avoiding obstacles such as roots and random stones. I ran up and down the sloping landscape dodging and darting between trees. My heart hammered faster than I could ever recall and my breathing was sharp and ragged.  
  
Even though I didn't have the slightest clue as to where I was running, it did give me a few precious moments to sort my thoughts. However, all I could make sense of was that I screwed up immensely and that hiding myself would do me no good in this world. So I decided to finish what I started at that creek so seemingly long ago.  
  
I realized that what I was doing may have seemed fairly stupid to someone with half an ounce of sanity in their blood, but the loss of that sanity can do strange things to you. It was hard to live without point or purpose or even a shred of hope to clutch in a strange world when all you wanted in the first place was to leave your life behind you. And at that very moment in time, death and therefore release was a comforting thought to me.  
  
How to go about doing it was what puzzled me enough to slow my erratic sprinting down to a semi-controlled run. I couldn't keep this up forever I knew, acknowledging my furiously pumping heart and dizzying breathing patterns. Slowing down to a stumbling jog, I attempted to execute the first plan that came to my mind. This is how the tree and I became aquatinted.  
  
Blackness forming at the corners of my vision, I eyed the tree. It looked climbable and high enough to do the job. I started clumsily scaling it, the darkness in my vision shadowing the whole scene. My heart furiously thumped out of rhythm as I grabbed for branch after branch, only trying to get high enough to sever my spine upon impact after I jumped. My mind was groggy and shutting itself down, despite my body's commands to keep going. My senses all jumbled together in one ringing, dark mess that was impossible to navigate. My hands lazily grasped at branches that were always just beyond my reach as I failed to hold myself up any further, plummeting towards the ground from an unknown height in the tree.  
  
And everything slowed and eventually. . .stopped.  
  
My mind stayed with my body I think, way back there on the ground beneath the tree. What it was I knew though, I could not honestly say. All that I could sense. . .not see nor feel nor hear, was darkness. Flowers and grasses brushed against my ankles, but I could not feel them or rightfully say they were even there. They smelled sweet and faintly perfumed the air which I could not smell or breathe, for it wasn't there either. Thick, swirling water bubbled in a far off spring, but I could not hear the water's call or see the spring in the distance, because there was no spring or distance. All that was there, was a void full of feeling which could not be felt because it too, was something between imaginary and real, something that did not exist. Nonexistent voices that were never to be heard called out and shook me from the void. I did not want to leave, I wanted to remain here, in a place that was nowhere, with no time or reality. This was what I wanted, but once again I couldn't have it because my mind was waking and this was not a place for thinking. That is why I reluctantly left the void that was my heaven and left my fate once again in the hands of myself.  
  
I wished I would wake alone, but I had no such luck. My senses returned and informed me of the world I was once again trapped in, and I knew I wasn't alone. I was in a soft bed and in a great deal of pain. I remembered falling from the tree and began to unearth my memories from there, playing my day over again backwards in my head. I remembered talking and remembered thinking how horrible it was that I had done such a thing. However, now it didn't seem like such an atrocious thing, but then again not much else could make me feel much except the near crippling pain I was in.  
  
I heard talking, and listened intently, trying to grasp as much as I could. All I could hear for now were just snippets of a conversation between what sounded like two elves and another I didn't know. The elves were Elladan and Elrond, and the third person sounded also like an elf judging by the calm tone of voice, but one I didn't know. From what I gathered, the conversation was about my condition and what had happened.  
  
I began to feel worry as I listened and thought, first was about what I had said. It wasn't even so much what I had said, but the thought that I had said something in the first place. I didn't know if Elladan had told what I had said, and I couldn't figure it out from the conversation. Second was the fact that I may have broken plenty of bones, maybe my back. I couldn't tell, but judging from my pain, I'd sure broken something. My mind grew weary and tired from listening to the elves converse, and I slipped in and out of consciousness before I finally succumbed to the blackness tugging at me. 


	8. A Rude Awakening

As I slept, I didn't think much of anything. The only thing I could recall thinking about time and time again was that I wished I could return to my heaven, my void. I couldn't do anything but lay there and try not to think in the blackness. Once or twice I mistook this blackness for my void until I remembered that I couldn't be thinking if I were in my nonexistent spot.  
  
Every now and then I'd hear a voice. Most of the time I couldn't tell who the voice belonged to, but from the words that were said I sometimes had a bit of an idea. Once I thought I heard someone say, ". . .didn't say anything about you speaking you know. . .might have found out though. . ."  
  
I only heard bits and pieces of the conversation though. . .it was as if some invisible force was turning the volume up and down on the scene. I recognized the voice as belonging to Elladan, and for the first time since I ran, I actually began to think. . . I remembered that I had spoken on the archery range. . .that I didn't mean to, that it was wrong.  
  
Once again though, that little thought which I had so easily repressed before came back. The little voice in my head once again piped 'But was that really so wrong?' And then it hit me like a rock in the forehead. Elladan heard me, he knew. . . he had to be talking to me earlier, not someone else. And that meant that he was in the same room where I laid semi- conscious.  
  
I made my best effort to wake up and open my eyes, but these things are easier said than done. Despite my best efforts, my body was not responding to my demands and screamed back in pain. I decided to take it slower, one step at a time. I concentrated on bringing myself to full consciousness, which was hard at first since my body wanted to stay in its unconscious haze. Once I stopped slipping between states of consciousness, I tested my eyes by rolling them around beneath their closed lids. Next came the hard part and the part I almost wished I hadn't done, opening my eyes. I tried to open them a crack at first, but the incredible light was a shock from seeing only the dark of the back of my eyelids for who knows how long. I tried again and this time was able to squint my eyes against the light, leaving them open just enough to see around the room.  
  
I was laying on my bed, in my room I was pretty sure, and sure enough, Elladan sat on a chair not to far away from my bed. He was rambling on about this and that, but from where I stood, it looked as though he was talking to himself because aside from me, there was not another soul in the room. Once my vision adjusted to the light, which wasn't all that bright to tell the honest truth, I opened my eyes all the way and blinked a few times to clear the blurring from my eyes. I looked around a bit and watched Elladan talk to himself for a good few minutes before he glanced at me and realized I was watching him.  
  
"You're awake! Oh thank the stars, I was worrying you would never wake up." He said, the surprised look on his face melting into a calm smile. I didn't know what he was talking about because as far as I knew, I'd only been unconscious for a day tops. I looked at him questioningly because I was genuinely confused.  
  
"You don't remember what happened?" he asked with a strange look in his eyes. If I hadn't known better, I would've said that he was worried about me. I shook my head yes, I remembered well what had happened.  
  
Elladan paused and looked me in the eyes for a moment before getting up and walking to the open window. "You didn't wake up or even so much as move a muscle for six days. . .nearly a week."  
  
This news came as a shock to me, there was no way I could've been asleep for that long and not realized it. I let this fact digest in my mind and apparently, so did Elladan as he stared out the window.  
  
" When you ran, I followed you." He said, taking a breath of the warm summer air that filtered through the window before walking back towards the bed and standing at the chair but not sitting down. " I've never seen someone run off that fast before, but the look of fear and confusion in your eyes was unmistakable, so I followed you as best I could." He paused again, moving the chair closer to the bed and sitting down on it before he continued. "I was a bit frightened too, and plenty confused. I didn't know where you were going or why, but you stumbled a fair amount of times, leaving me time to listen for you, find you, and catch up."  
  
He looked me in the eyes and held my gaze as he continued. "I heard a loud thump and feared for the worst as I continued to search for you. When I finally found you however. . ." he paused again, staring off into space for a moment as if watching the scene unfold before him. "When I found you, you were lying on the ground. . . I feared you were dead because you were ghastly white and lying in a twisted heap, not moving at all. I can remember my heart speeding up as I knelt down beside you and checked for a pulse. I was relieved when I found that you were still alive, but only just. I listened for your breath and you were barely breathing at all. I picked you up carefully and brought you back here where my father and another elven healer tried to make some sense of what happened and what condition you were in."  
  
He looked at me sadly, probably remembering what I looked like lying upon this bed, all broken and mangled. "You looked so fragile and hurt, like a newborn fawn that had been stepped on. . .it was a very sad sight. My father said that you could make it with elven medicine which relieved me, but his tone of voice was very unsettling. . ." He shivered a bit as he paused. "He made me tell him what had happened to you, but I didn't tell him that you spoke. I've been keeping an eye on you ever since, I'd imagine that waking up from a fall like that all alone wouldn't be too pleasant." He smiled as he said this. "You'll be almost good as new fairly soon, but you were very broken up you know."  
  
I felt guilty listening to Elladan's tale, I was beginning to realize that I was acting fairly crazy to do what I had. I knew what was coming, so I wasn't surprised when Elladan said, "Why didn't you say anything before?"  
  
I didn't answer him. Not because I was angry, but because I honestly didn't even know myself. "I've thought about what you said before for days as I watched you. I spoke to you oftentimes about it, but I doubt you heard me." I had heard him, but I didn't say that. Instead, I just looked into his eyes hoping maybe he somehow could read my mind.  
  
"Well, when you're ready to speak I'd love to hear your voice again. You've really captured my curiosity Meredith." Elladan said. Those words really sunk into me and made me open my mouth. I caught myself though and closed it back up again before any words leaked out.  
  
'How long can I keep this up. . .' I thought miserably as I looked into Elladan's eyes again. They truly were full of curiosity. . .and that curiosity was about me. 


End file.
